I don’t know why this particular bad date popped into my head the other day, but reminiscing still makes me laugh.
About ten years ago, I was a member of a number of online dating sites. I joined several different ones around the same time and checked for emails frequently. I learned the hard way, that you never, and I mean NEVER meet someone if you have not seen their picture first. I guess the definition of “attractive” varies wildly from person to person.
At any rate, we met at a local bar/local music spot on the beach. Ironically, this bar was washed into the ocean by a hurricane a few years later. Perhaps my bad date was an omen predicting the impending doom of this establishment. I arrived a few minutes before she did and grabbed a table. I suppose she was using the metric system when she described her figure, because when she strolled up, there was no way she was 135 pounds. 135 kilograms (300 pounds) perhaps…
I did my best to salvage the evening. Even though there were no romantic sparks, maybe I could wind up with a friend out of it. So we ordered drinks. The conversation was one-sided. I don’t know if she was nervous or just stupid. Her responses were a collection of nods, “yeah” and single-syllable grunts. Somehow the conversation wondered to travel, where we’d like to visit, etc. Again, trying to get her to talk was like pulling teeth.
I mentioned that my sister had recently returned from a vacation in Europe and had brought back some Godiva chocolates. The moment I said, “Godiva”, a look of surprise came over her and she gazed at me with bizarre, wild-eyed wonder. She blurted, “Godiva? They’re making them chocolate dinosaurs now? Must be all that ‘Jurassic Park’ stuff.”
Jurassic Park? Godiva? What the hell?!?!?!
Then it clicked. She was confusing “Godiva” with “Godzilla”. Yes, “Godiva”. The giant, chocolate dinosaur who breathes fire and smashes up Tokyo.
I could not chug my beer fast enough. Check please!
